Heroine
by Surreal Reality
Summary: Fallen victim to the abuse of her boyfriend, Jade refuses to give up hope on their relationship. With her life hanging in the balance, will she seek refuge in the arms of a friend, or lose herself altogether to his savagery? Cat/Jade. Rated M for violence and things soon to come.
1. Prelude to Hell

Prelude To Hell_  
_

The first time Beck had hit Jade, it appeared to be only a small wrinkle in the fabric of their relationship. During an argument, he'd lost his temper and struck her across the face with his hand, sending her staggering back a few steps. Immediately after, any trace of anger within hid him had vanished, and he'd rushed over to her, holding her reddened cheek and pleading repeatedly, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry," guilt gleaming in his tear-rimmed eyes. Jade, shocked and fazed, had let him pull her into his arms in a tight embrace, crying into the crease of his neck as he placed soft kisses on her forehead, rocking her back and forth.

_It was an accident,_ Jade had told herself. Every time the altercation had come to mind since that day, she'd reminded herself that it was nothing but an accident. That's what she wanted to believe. That's what she needed to be true. She'd almost began believing it herself... until it happened again. The next time, there'd been no apology. No indication of him acknowledging he'd done something wrong. He simply left Jade kneeling on the floor with tears streaming down her face, hand cradling her cheek, the corner of her lip bloodied.

Over time, it started becoming habitual, almost characteristic of him to act that way. He'd hit her over big things, over trivial things. It escalated to the point where he would hit her for no reason at all. Jade didn't fight back, she never fought back. Dissimilarly, she found it darkly pleasing. She never told anyone what Beck had been doing to her. Part of her knew how wrong, how masochistic of her it was to let the abuse continue. But she loved him, and she knew he loved her, no matter how he chose to express it.

That first incident was only the tip of iceberg; a glimpse of the horrors soon to come. And Jade, poor, victimized Jade wouldn't decide to take action until she was in far too deep to swim back to the surface.

* * *

**A/N: Since most of the votes on my poll were for Cade, I finally came around to writing something!**

**This is a short introduction to the fic. I've noticed that there are a lot of fanfics based on abusive Bade, so just review and tell me if you'd like me to continue, because I don't want to do something that's already been done before.**


	2. Evasion

**Disclaimer: I shall say this but once, so listen, and listen good. I _do not, _under any circumstances whatsoever, own Victorious or any of its characters.**

Evasion

Parking her dark blue car in front of the Valentine residence was none other than Jade West. She honked and waited for Cat to come outside to drive her to school. Not a minute passed by the time the redhead came bounding out her front door, pink backpack strapped to her back, an arm clutching Mr. Purple, and her bright red curls bouncing up and down as she ran to Jade's car. A huge smile decorating her face, she splayed her free hand on the car's window before opening the door.

Jade groaned at the handprint on the window as Cat sat down in the passenger seat. She had just gotten her car washed on Saturday, and now she would have to do it again.

"Hi, Jade!" Cat squealed in her high pitched voice, throwing her arms around the dark-haired girl. She was always happy to see Jade. Jade simply made her happy, and that was that. Not in the way strawberries or rainbows or the beach did, but in a way that brought sunlight to even the darkest corners of her mind and made her feel... complete.

Jade pushed Cat away in annoyance. She didn't mind it much, actually. The many years she had known the girl had given her the capacity to tolerate her childish behavior at most. "Put on your seatbelt," she ordered bluntly, and Cat obeyed, hugging Mr. Purple to her chest as Jade twisted the key in the ignition and sped off.

Their ride was silent for the most part, just as always. The less Jade talked, the better, she figured. And Cat didn't seem to be bothered by the lack of communication between them. She was always staring out the window, lost within the endless maze that was her mind.

On this particular day, Cat didn't spend her time daydreaming. After a while, she started taking occasional, concerned glances at Jade. Something happened, she could tell that much. She always had a knack for knowing when something was wrong with someone. "Jade?" She began, quietly and hesitantly. Not receiving an answer, she risked another look at her friend. The edge of a dark, sickly purplish bruise was peeking out from the sleeve of her blue hoodie. "Jade," Cat repeated. "What happened to your wrist?"

"What? Nothing." Jade, seeming startled, pulled up her sleeve until only her fingers were visible, never once looking in Cat's direction. A stop light ahead turned red, and once Jade slowed the car to a stop, Cat dropped her stuffed giraffe and reached for her arm, pulling up her sleeve. Jade winced in pain, but tried to hide it under a scowl as she struggled to pull her arm from Cat's firm grip. "What's your problem?" she snapped.

Cat, with a gasp, raised one hand to cover her mouth while the other was frozen, locked around the other girl's arm. She had gotten bruises before, like when she fell off her bike and hurt her knee, or the time where her brother threw an orange at her, but none of them had ever been as bad as this. "Who did this to you?" she asked, eyebrows pulled together in a concerned frown.

"It's nothing," Jade asserted, yanking her arm away and putting her hands back on the steering wheel. She didn't bother to pull her sleeve back up. If Cat wanted to see so badly, let her look as much as she liked.

Cat couldn't pull her wide brown eyes away from Jade's wrist. "But—"

"I said it's nothing! Just drop it, okay?" She didn't usually lash out at Cat, but she had a limit, just as she did with everyone else. She couldn't risk anyone finding out what Beck was doing to her.

Cat's lower lip trembled and she buried her face in her hands. Quiet, muffled sobs came from her. She didn't mean to cry, but she couldn't help it; that was her reaction to stressful situations, and on top of that, the shock of knowing her friend was hurt worried her immensely.

Jade turned to look at the girl, her lips pressed together slightly, pulling her sleeve back down. "Cat, it's just a bruise." Her voice and expression softened somewhat. "Don't..." She sighed. Cat had always had a way of finding her weak spots, the chinks in her armor. "I'm sorry. Stop crying."

The small girl uncovered her face, her sobs now just sniffles, and dried her tears on the sleeve of her cream-colored cardigan. When she met Jade's green-eyed gaze, her expression was unreadable. Cat knew she wouldn't be able to get an answer from her, and if she did, it wouldn't be the truth. Instead of pressing on, she picked up her purple giraffe from her lap and held it up to Jade. "Mr. Purple loves you," she said in a quiet voice.

A hint of a smile appeared on Jade's face. "I love you too, Mr. Purple." She patted the stuffed toy on its head. Cat gave her a dimpled smile in return, hugging her giraffe against her chest.

The traffic light lit up green. Jade leaned back against her seat, exhaling, and then drove through.


	3. Little White Lie

Little White Lie

After grabbing a book, Jade slammed her locker closed. She ran a finger over the handle of one of the many pairs of scissors that she had stuck into it. Jade liked scissors a lot — loved them, really, and that was one thing no one got about her. She liked them because they were dangerous, immediately life-threatening under the right circumstances. A potential weapon, disguised as a simple everyday item.

Two hands covered her eyes from behind. Her body tensed and she tightened her grip on the bag slung across her shoulder. "Guess who," a deep, familiar voice said into her ear.

Jade relaxed only slightly, her heart rate still quicker than normal. "I hate when you do that," she said, turning around and greeting her boyfriend with a kiss.

"Which is why I keep doing it," Beck replied with a teasing, lopsided smile. He slid his arm around her waist and planted a kiss on her forehead. "Are you ready for tonight?"

Jade unzipped her bag and put the book inside, using it as a reason not to look at him. She knew exactly what he was talking about. "Actually, can we do it another time?" She paused. "I have a lot of stuff to do."

His smile was gone. "You promised tonight." Jade noticed him clench his jaw. Its was slight, almost unnoticeable. She held her breath, half expecting him to hit her right then and there, even though she knew he wouldn't do anything in public. Then, he exhaled. "You know what... it's fine. What's a good time for you?"

Jade chewed on the corner of her lip. "Friday night?"

Beck nodded. "That works." He traced the waistband of her jeans with the hand he had resting on her hip. "Try not to get too excited," he murmured, his lips brushing against her ear.

Jade took in a sharp breath through her nose. "I have to get to class."

Beck told her he'd see her later and left. Jade leaned against the wall, lightheaded with relief, tangling a hand in her hair. She tried not to think about what would happen if he found out she lied to him.

* * *

In theatre class, Sikowitz was late, and the students spent the majority of the time socializing and texting. Jade leaned her head on Beck's shoulder and he wrapped his arm around her a little tighter. They didn't talk much; just knowing he was there was enough for her.

Ten minutes of class time remained when Sikowitz finally came in through the window, holding a coconut with a straw stuck in it. From his actions to his appearance, he was a questionable man, but no one ever questioned his methods.

Sikowitz clapped his hands together loudly, and the buzz of chatter among the students died away. "Alright, class!" He stepped onto the raised platform that served as a stage in the classroom. "Today, we will be starting a project." He walked over to the whiteboard, grabbing an expo marker and writing as he spoke. "You will all be assigned a partner, and together, you will create and perform a one act play, due at the end of the semester. It will account for twenty-five percent of your." He capped the marker and went back to the front of the stage. "Andre will be working with Beck, Cat's with Jade, Tori's with Robbie, and the rest of you whose names I do not know, put yourselves in pairs." Grabbing his coconut from a table, he took a long sip from the straw stuck in it. "I'll be expecting wonderful things."

"Can I _please_ have a different partner?" Tori whined, earning an irritated eye roll from Jade. Was there anything that girl didn't complain about?

"No. And, if you try to trade partners with any of your peers, you will receive a zero on the assignment," he finished, addressing the entire class. The bell rang, and students packed up their things before leaving.

Jade gave Beck a goodbye kiss before hurrying out. She was already running through ideas for the play in her mind. She needed something to validate her excuse, and now, she had it. The day was working out in her favor. "Cat," She called once they had exited the room and gotten to the hallway.

Cat looked back to see who'd said her name, then slowed her pace to let Jade catch up with her. She smiled cheerfully. "Hi!"

"We're going to your house to work on the project," she stated, not even asking for her approval.

"Right now?" Cat questioned.

"No, later," Jade responded sarcastically, rolling her eyes.

"Oh, okay!" She began to skip away.

"No!" Jade grabbed the handle of her backpack, and Cat turned around, looking at her confusedly. "I meant today," she clarified. She was getting a mild headache. Sometimes, that girl was unbelievably airheaded. "Let's go."


	4. Selflessness

Selflessnes

Jade entered Cat's room and tossed her bag onto the bed, which was covered with a pink comforter and furry pillows, along with a few stuffed animals. Many others were scattered in various locations. Except for the walls, which were a pale shade of purple that looked almost white, mostly everything in the room was pink. It made Jade want to barf. She sat down on the bed next to her bag and waited for her friend to come upstairs.

Instead of Cat, a head of shaggy brown hair leaned in the doorway. It was Cat's older brother, Calvin. He looked just like her, too; same eyes, same smile, but a bit more defined features, and he had hints of stubble all around his jawline and above his upper lip. He waved at Jade with a friendly smile, and she returned gesture before he left. She loved Calvin; he was just as much her brother as he was Cat's. He was autistic and had a lot of problems growing up — the main reason why he was almost twenty-four and still living with his parents. But over time, he'd gotten much better, and he had found a good college for people with special needs in northern California. He was planning on leaving in a few months. Often times, Calvin made Jade wish she had a sibling of her own.

Finally, Cat came in, carrying a plastic bowl filled with mini pretzels. "I got us a snack," she said, setting the bowl on her dresser and tossing her backpack to the ground. She took a few before plopping down next to Jade.

"Let's get started," Jade said, pulling out a notebook and flipping it open to a blank page. "Dramatic or comedic?"

"Dramatic." Cat popped a pretzel in her mouth and ate it.

Jade arched an eyebrow, skeptical. "Really?"

Cat frowned, hurt at Jade's lack of faith in her. "I can be dramatic!" She exclaimed defensively.

"Alright." She put her notebook down and crossed one leg over the other. "Show me what you got."

The girl's face immediately went serious, and she stood up from the bed, walking a few steps away. When she turned back, she had a pained expression on her face, yelling, "How could you?!" Her exclamation was followed by a moment of silence. "_Friends_? Do you really think we can be 'just friends' after this?" Shaking her head subtly, she looked as if she were about to cry right then and there. "Of course you do. Because you don't care. You don't care about me, or us, or what we had. Nothing matters to you. You think it's all just some big joke, right?" She let out a sarcastic, angry laugh, and threw her hands in the air. "Yeah, it's fucking hilarious!"

Even though she could tell it was coming, Jade was still surprised by her outburst; it was strange hearing Cat curse.

Cat continued with her scene. "You said forever. Remember that? You promised me you'd always be here." Her voice cracked. "No matter what." Jade swallowed. Her eyes remained fixed on Cat, who was now walking over to her."You lied to me, just like you always placed both hands on the bed on either side of where Jade was sitting and leaned in, her brown eyes boring into Jade's green ones. In that very moment, Jade swore her heart stopped. "Don't ever say you didn't kill anyone." On the final line, her voice dropped to just above a whisper. "Because today, you killed me."

Jade couldn't suppress a laugh that was mostly out of nervousness. Cat immediately broke character, looking defeated. "Was it that bad?"

"No, no," Jade said, smiling in amusement. "It was good." She took a deep breath. "Really good." Cat's performance was impressive. It never occurred to Jade how good of an actress she really was. She'd seen her perform before in class, but never like this. Never up close and personal. It had completely pulled her in, made her feel as if she were in the scene herself.

Cat grinned, looking proud of herself. She sat back down. "So what's the play gonna be about?"

Jade tried to resurrect some of the ideas she'd come up with before, but her mind had gone blank. Now, she regretted not writing them down. "You have anything in mind?"

Cat simply shrugged and played with her hands. Her eyes wandered over to Jade, then down to her wrist. Although it was hidden, Cat knew it was there. She knew that if she were to push up her sleeve, just an inch, she'd see it. Just being aware of its presence pricked at something in the back of her mind. It was impossible for her to ignore. Then, without warning, she got up and slipped out of the room.

Jade looked up from the blank notebook page, confused. "Where are you going?"

She received no response, but Cat returned no more than a few minutes later with her hands behind her back. She was holding something. "Close your eyes," she instructed, and sat next to Jade on the bed once again.

Jade lowered her eyebrows. "Why?"

"Please," Cat entreated, her eyes pleading.

After a brief hesitation, Jade let her eyes flutter closed. She felt Cat's hand on hers, warm and soft. Then, her hand slid upwards and gently moved the sleeve from over her injured wrist. Feeling somewhat apprehensive, Jade opened her eyes.

"Keep them closed!"

"Okay! Jeez." She shut them again. Cat's fingertips grazed over the bruise, and then they were gone. Her touch was soon replaced with something cold and firm. Jade waited for a few moments before opening her eyes again.

Cat was holding her wrist in one hand, while the other held an ice pack against it, occasionally moving it to another spot on the bruise. Each time she changed positions, Jade tensed, expecting the shock of pain that she'd grown so accustomed to, but it never came. Cat was gentle enough for it not to hurt. She looked completely concentrated on her work, as if she were a doctor and Jade was the patient. In a way, she was.

Jade couldn't help the smile that made its way to her lips. It was funny, seeing Cat all serious in comparison to her usual, bubbly self. The whole situation was ironic, really. Usually, it was the other way around — her helping Cat. Now, big, bad Jade West was being taken care of by the kindest, sweetest girl in school. She didn't care how Jade had gotten hurt —she just wanted to help. It was part of her nature, helping people. That fact reassured Jade. She didn't want her to know what was going on. She _couldn't_ know. It would jeopardize her entire relationship. Things with Beck were dark, but telling anyone of its extent would eliminate any possibility of improvement.

Knowing Cat cared was enough for now.

»»»

Jade started her car, pulling her seatbelt across her body before buckling it. She then slid her phone out of her pocket and turned it on to check if she had gotten any messages.

Three missed calls.

They were all from Beck.

* * *

**A/N: I'm fairly new to this, so it'd be much appreciated if you could give me feedback via reviews, and possibly some ideas for the one-act (hint hint).**

**I'm going to try to make these author's notes clever and witty for your entertainment every once in a blue moon. However, it will be a struggle, as I am neither of those things. But I'll try. Don't bite my head off if they end up being dreadfully boring.  
**


	5. The Girl of Many Questions

The Girl of Many Questions

Cat sat on the stairs outside her house and waited, staring blankly at a tree. A car drove around the corner; she prayed it was Jade, finally coming to pick her up for school, but it wasn't. It happened a few times — a flicker of hope, followed by disappointment that sank like a deadweight deep into the pit her stomach, seeming to only get heavier each time another car revved past. Goodness, what was taking so long? If Jade didn't arrive soon, they'd both be late for school. She looked down at her hands, examining her pastel pink nails, then stood with a sigh, going back inside.

The kitchen phone was ringing as she came in through the door. Picking up her pace, she quickly got to the phone before the person on the other end was redirected to voicemail. "Hello?"

"Hey, it's me." Jade's voice, dull and monotone. "You wanna go somewhere today?"

This wasn't new. They'd often skip school and go out someplace together; more often than not, it ended up being the park. Jade had always said the environment "gave her space to think."

Cat nodded, then, remembering she was on the phone, replied, "Okay." She chewed on the corner of her lip a little. "Can we go to the park?"

"Yeah." A pause. "I'll be there in a bit."

"'Kay 'kay." She waited for Jade to hang up, and once she heard the sound of the dial tone, she sat the phone on the kitchen counter and returned to her spot on the stairs out front.

She wasn't worried about getting caught. Her mother wasn't aware of the occasional hiccups in her attendance record. Either she didn't know, or just didn't care. Besides, she'd always said she had enough to worry about with Calvin - that was almost always her excuse. It was always "Calvin needs to be taken care of." Even now, when he was an adult and could fend for himself. And whenever Cat brought up that fact, her mother threw it back in her face, arguing that she had bills to pay and a full-time job to maintain, even going as far as telling her, "The world doesn't revolve around you, you know."

As selfish as it sounded, Cat was jealous of her brother. She knew he had problems, but that was no reason for her mother to love him so much while neglecting her. Cat's dad, the only person who really understood and cared about her, was almost never home, and a divorce was imminent.

She had never really let herself accept the fragile state of her family. Her head was constantly in the clouds — or at least, everyone else thought it was. The reality was, Cat thought. She thought a lot, far more than she should. She relied heavily on other people's opinions. She tried to please everyone, questioned every move, every decision she made, because she was afraid of what they would think of her. She knew people were judgemental. It scared her, not being able to know what horrible things passed through their minds, but it was also a relief. Nevertheless, there was one common thought she knew everyone shared about her: that she was an idiot.

Everyone thought Cat was stupid. _Everyone._ She wasn't stupid — speculative was more accurate. There were just things she simply didn't understand, things that no one bothered explaining to her because they immediately dismissed them as obvious. There were times where she'd just sort of... lose herself, deep in her thoughts. Why did everyone think that meant she was dumb? Maybe it was her red hair, or how she tried so hard to spread happiness wherever she went. If someone took the time to look into her, to really pick her brain, they'd realize just how wrong about her people were. But no one ever did. Because no one thought she was worth it.

Almost twenty minutes had passed by the time Jade pulled up in her car, and Cat walked over and got in. "Where were you? I was worried," she said, closing her door. Jade didn't say anything. She paused before asking, "Are you okay?"

The dark-haired girl wouldn't look at her. "It's nothing."

Cat's heart dropped. "That's what you said yesterday."

Jade shrugged. "Well."

"Well," Cat repeated. "It sure didn't look like nothing." She gestured towards Jade's wrist, which today was wrapped in a light brown cloth bandage.

Jade let out an exasperated sigh. She waited for Cat to buckle up before accelerating down the road.

»»»

There had always been something about the park that both of the girls were enchanted by, something that made every visit feel as if it were the first. It was the park itself — it was amazing, magical almost, with its abundance of natural beauties and small forest animals. It reminded Cat of something straight out of a princess movie — vivid and beautiful, bursting with life. Barely anyone would come there during the early morning, which added to the tranquility.

On that day, the quietness wasn't peaceful to Cat; it felt eerie, empty. There were no birds singing, no squirrels scampering in trees or deer loping about the grassy field. Something was missing and had left a gap, but she couldn't quite put her finger on what it was.

The pair strolled down the path leading to the lake, not a single word exchanged between them. Cat hummed absently, glancing in Jade's direction every now and then, who simply watched her feet with each step she took, never once raising her eyes from the ground.

A frown wrinkled Cat's features. Jade was always cold, always disconnected. Yet there was something strange, something... off, about the way she had been acting lately, especially today. This was a different type of detachedness. "What's wrong?" She dared ask.

Jade scraped her feet against the ground as they walked, gravel from the asphalt path spraying up ahead of them and then skittering to a stop. She hadn't said a word since they'd arrived at the park. The silence was growing unbearable.

Cat's eyes stung. She couldn't handle someone blocking her out like that. Especially not Jade. Not when she knew something was seriously wrong. "Please, just look at me?"

Jade kept her head tilted downwards and turned only slightly. It just was enough to see it.

Cat produced a small gasp. There was a cut along Jade's face about an inch in length, stretching from the corner of her eye to just above her cheekbone; the skin surrounding it was pink and had some dried blood on it. It was recent — and deep, from the looks if it. It looked out of place on Jade's pale face. She wanted to stroke the mark, to someway, somehow heal it, but she fought the urge, because she knew she couldn't, and she knew how much Jade hated being touched.

She could barely bring herself to speak. "What did you... How did this happen?"

Jade, slowing her pace to a halt once they neared the lake, gazed at Cat impassively. She then took a step closer to the water and looked down at her reflection. She raised a hand up to her face, looking shocked, as if that were the first time she saw it. Her hand then fell to her side. "That depends on what you want to hear."

"I want the truth." Cat tried to sound serious, but her face gave away how concerned she was.

She lifted her eyes from the water stared at her wordlessly for a moment. "Beck." She had to force herself to say the word.

Cat's mouth fell open. "_Beck_ did this to you? And... and your wrist...?"

With a shrug, Jade picked up a rock, wound back, and threw it into the lake as hard as she could. The rock flew in a high arc then landed with a plop, causing ripples to race across the surface of the water. She then looked down at the area where her reflection once was; it had broken into fragments of herself and distorted shapes.

Cat was shocked at how indifferent she seemed. On top of that, she'd have never expected Beck, of all people, to ever hurt anyone. He was so cool and collected, nice and sweet to her. It was almost impossible for her to believe that was what went on when they were alone. It wasn't right, and certainly wasn't okay. What if it continued like this? What if it got worse? What if — God, she didn't even want to think about it. "I'm going to tell someone."

Jade's apathetic countenance vanished as her eyes widened in alarm. "No. You can't."

"I have to!" Cat pleaded. She gently took Jade's bandaged wrist in her hand, her voice lowering in volume. "Can't you see he's hurting you?"

"I'd be stupid if I didn't know that by now," she said icily, snatching her wrist away and walking over to the wooden park bench. She sat down and put her face in her hands. Cat carefully took a seat next to her, leaving some space between them.

Her now subdued voice was muffled by her hands. "He said he'd never do it again, and I believed him." She took in a shuddering breath.

Cat simply kept her eyes fixed on Jade, the same way one would watch a venomous snake that could strike at any moment. She'd never seen her switch moods that quickly before, and she was both frightened and concerned. The Jade she knew avoided emotions altogether, because she thought they made her weak. She hated weakness. This Jade was... different. She was vulnerable, breaking, and Cat could see that now.

"I thought he'd change. I thought he would... Trailing off, she shook her head and looked up at the sky. "I'm fucked. I am so fucked."

Cat tried not to cringe at her curses, but her cheek twitched just a little bit. She laid a reassuring hand on Jade's shoulder. "Y-you can still get help..."

"Don't you get it?" Jade snapped, a sudden spike in the degree of her anger towards her friend as she glared up at her. "Don't you get anything? I _can't,_ Cat. You know what'll happen if people find out? They'll take him from me. He'll be sent to prison." There was a quaver in her voice. Subtle, but Cat still noticed it. "I'd never... I'd never see him again."

Something panged at Cat. It was sharp and stung like salt in an open wound. She'd never seen Jade so... she couldn't think of the word. Whatever it was, it cast a shadow that forewarned something awful was in its infancy. It had darkened Jade's eyes with intensity and... was that _fear?_

If so, Jade had a right to be scared. Cat knew for a fact that if she lost Beck, she'd lose a part of herself she'd never get back. But staying would only put her in danger. Was it really worth risking her life for a relationship that would inevitably end in disaster? If she lost herself trying... Cat felt her throat tighten. She wouldn't — _couldn't_ live without her best friend.

"But... but you can't keep — "

Jade cut her off. "Stop worrying about me... just stop it." She shrugged off Cat's hand and rose from the bench. "I can take care of myself."

And with that, she left, Cat staring after her as she continued down the path until she was out of sight.

* * *

**A/N: I'm not one to beg, but please, please, _please_ review. Chapters are all of your reviews (and a little magic) mashed together to create something readable. Or so I hope, because it very well could be just a jumble of words.**

**Anyway, I need your comments/praise/suggestions — suggestions especially — in order to keep this story going. I'm usually up at three in the morning, 50% brain dead when I'm writing this stuff. Also, sorry for any misspellings/grammatical errors. I'm dyslexic.**

**Furthermore, review and I'll make you cookies. I, however, am not responsible if you chip a tooth on my homemade hockey pucks.**


	6. For Your Lips Only

For Your Lips Only

Jade angrily marched through the grass, a scowl on her face, taking a shortcut she knew would get her back to her car quicker than the path. She was seething, and needed to let off steam before she detonated.

It was all so ridiculous. She didn't need anyone to worry about her. She could protect herself. Why didn't Cat understand that? Why did Cat see her as some needy, helpless _thing_ that had to be constantly taken care of?

She came across a tree, wide in diameter and at least three stories high. She stopped next to it, ran her fingers over the rough bark. Then, with a grunt of effort, she swung at the tree with every ounce of strength she could muster — which, no surprise there, turned out not being the brightest of ideas. Her fist hit the tree with a low-pitched thud, and a shock wave of pain shot through her forearm. She let out a cry and doubled over, pulling her hand to her chest. It throbbed achingly and her eyes stung, but at least the pain gave her something to focus on.

Jade turned her back to tree and leaned against it. Why did she even tell Cat in the first place? Had it been anyone else, she would have dismissed the question, maybe thrown a biting insult at them to reinforce her point. There'd been something in Cat's wide eyes, something that demanded the truth, not just because she'd asked. It had made it seem like an obligation, and Jade hated it. All she'd done was complicate things. Why did Cat have to care so much? No one else seemed to, but it was better that way. Couldn't she just leave it alone and let her handle it?

She didn't need Cat, anyway. She didn't need anybody. She'd been down this road alone all this time, and she was fine — as ambiguous the word was to her. She had no clue what "fine" really meant. All she knew was anger, and the intermittent periods of emptiness she felt between her episodes.

And love. She loved Beck, that she was sure of. He loved her too, he really did, but he just... he was complicated. He had trouble expressing his feelings, and it came out in bursts of hostility and violence. Maybe that was what made them so right for each other. They were both uncommunicative people; bottles of suppressed emotions with hairline cracks running through them. Beck was just closer to breaking than she was.

There was also the way she felt with Cat, while they were alone — although today wasn't a particularly good example. When they'd first met, Jade didn't quite _hate_ her, not in the way she did everyone else. As much as she despised happiness and sunshine, Cat, for some strange reason, never annoyed her enough to set her off. Then they became friends of sorts, and it stayed that way for years. Yet even after all the time that had passed, they still weren't particularly close. Jade was an ocean; her strong waves forced people back before they had a chance to get too deep. The water became stagnant for Cat, but she never entered its depths, never waded in further than necessary. And it worried Jade, because she didn't know whether that meant something good or bad.

The throbbing in her hand had receded some. She flexed her fingers, turning her hand over to get a view of her knuckles. They were red and scraped, blood trickling down a couple of them. She'd clean them up later.

"Jade!"

Hearing her name, she looked back. Cat was running in her direction. "I thought... you left... without me," she said breathlessly once she'd caught up. She put her hands on her sides and leaned forward, panting like a dog.

Jade rolled her eyes. Well, she was right; she probably would have left her, had she arrived any later. "Whatever. C'mon."

»»»

Jade continued walking, taking long, brisk steps while Cat skipped behind her. Ugh, there was never a time where that girl _wasn't_ bursting with energy. Once they'd gotten to her car, she went to to driver's side door and dug in her pockets for the keys. Dammit, where were they? Something clicked in her mind as she remembered that she'd asked Cat to hold them. She turned around to face her. "Keys," she demanded bluntly, palm outstretched. Cat pulled them out of her pocket and dropped them into her hand. She pressed the button to unlock the doors. When she tried the handle, it was stuck. _Stupid piece of crap,_ she thought. Sure, it was a Mustang, but it was her dad's old car; almost ten years old and barely functional. She sensed Cat come up behind her.

"Are you mad at me?"

The question caught her off guard, and Jade hesitated, her fingers still clutching the handle. "No."

"Are you sure?"

"No." She rattled the handle harder, to no avail.

"Are you only going to answer with 'no' from now on?"

Jade turned around, her lips pressed together. "For a little girl, you sure ask a lot of questions."

Cat studied her face. Jade kept her expression blank. Cat's eyes flickered to the side, and she frowned a little. Jade didn't have to ask to know that she was looking at the cut. "Can I see...?" She asked.

Jade let out an exasperated sigh. She began to say no, but stopped with the word on the tip of her tongue. There was something about the way Cat's eyebrows knitted with concern, how her lips pouted ever so slightly, the innocence and goodwill behind her eyes. Jade defused. She just wanted to look. Where was the harm in that? "Okay."

Cat stood on her toes to get a better view, her breath feathering Jade's cheek. Her hand rose hesitantly. Although Cat's fingers were gentle, Jade flinched in response to her touch. She was so used to getting hit, she'd forgotten how it felt to be touched like this... with care, with affection. Her tensed muscles relaxed some. Cat traced the skin bordering the cut with a fingertip. Jade opened her mouth to say something, but Cat spoke first. "Why do you let him do this to you?"

In response to that... she didn't know what to say. Looking back on her and Beck's relationship, she realized she could have walked out on him whenever she wanted. He'd given her a world of chances to. He knew what their relationship would turn out as, what he was becoming. Still, no matter how many times he urged her to go, no matter what torture she endured, she stayed.

"I love him," she replied plainly. She silently cursed herself the way she'd said it; It sounded false.

"Does he love you?"

She swallowed. "Of course he does."

Cat sighed, her frown smoothing out some. "I just don't think..." Her sentence trailed off. She brought her hand down to Jade's face. "Close your eyes," she said, just as she had in her room the day before. After a brief hesitation, Jade obeyed without question.

Before she could think, Cat's mouth was pressed ever-so gently against hers. She froze in shock for a moment, then started to kiss back, slowly and unsurely. Cat's lips were soft and plump, and tasted sweet and fruity — probably from her lip gloss. It was a flavor Jade couldn't put her finger on. Strawberries? Probably. The hand on Jade's cheek slid to the back of her neck, pulling her closer, deepening the kiss, while the other moved to her shoulder. Jade's own hands positioned themselves on her waist, not to push her away, but to pull her closer. Their mouths kept pace with each other, never separating for more than a second. She had to admit, Cat was a good kisser. And she liked it, she liked how gentle she was, how she never advanced unless she got a positive reaction. She was nothing like Beck, who was always rough and forceful, firm grasps and lip biting. She was careful, tentative, as if one wrong move would ruin everything.

Something pricked at the back of Jade's mind — her judgement kicking in far too late. This... this wasn't right. This was _C__at_ she was kissing, _Cat_ whose body was pressed against hers, _Cat_ whose movements were so synchronized with her own... She shouldn't be enjoying it this much — or at all, for that matter. It wasn't right, but... she couldn't seem to stop herself. A low moan made its way from her throat.

Startled by the sound, Cat drew back, their lips making a soft noise as they parted. Something flashed in her eyes for a split second before guilt took its place. "I-I'm sorry," she stammered. Her face was flushed almost as red as her hair.

Jade lurched away, stumbling when she came close to tripping over her own feet, looking at Cat in confusion. Blinking rapidly, she tried to catch her breath, tried to regain control. What the hell had just happened?

Cat's eyes were that of a deer in headlights. "I'm so sorry," she repeated. "I wasn't... I-I shouldn't have..."

"It's fine," Jade cut her off. "Just... just get in the car."

»»»

Jade kept her eyes locked on the road. She took a glance at the red-haired girl in the passenger's seat. Her head was resting against the windshield, her eyes slowly closing. Jade found it amazing how she'd been wide awake less than ten minutes ago. It reminded her of a little kid — then again, everything about Cat reminded her of a little kid. She was so impulsive, so naïve. They had matured at two completely different rates, even though they'd practically grown up together.

It was also amazing to her that less than ten minutes ago, she had been kissing that same girl.

She pushed away the thought. It didn't matter. Nothing mattered. As soon as the day was over, she'd just forget that it had ever happened.

With a glance at the gas meter, she drove up to a gas station, which was empty except for one old, rusty car parked beside a couple of trees. A 7-Eleven was across from the pumps. "Wait in here," Jade ordered, grabbing some cash from her bag before pushing open her door.

"Wait!" Cat was bolted up, as if she hadn't been close to sleeping just a minute ago. She grabbed Jade's sleeve, preventing her from getting out. "Can you get me ice cream?"

"What? No!"

"Please?" Cat was using her sweet voice, the voice she always used when she wanted something.

"_No,_" Jade reaffirmed. "Let go of me."

Cat jutted her lower lip out and drew up her eyebrows. "Please, please, _please!_" She shook her arm violently. "I'll never ask for anything ever again! Please?"

Jade groaned and hit her head against her seat. Man, that girl was persistent. "If I get you something, will you shut up?"

Cat nodded vigorously.

"Fine." Once Cat released her, she got out and filled the car with gas before heading to the building. When she came back, she was holding a cup of coffee and a rainbow-colored popsicle in a plastic wrapper. "Here," she said tossing it into her lap and then setting her coffee in the cupholder.

"Thank you!" Cat threw her arms around Jade, who noticeably tensed. Letting go of her, she unwrapped the popsicle, licking it eagerly as Jade started down the road. They were both silent once again.

Finally, Jade's sharp voice broke through the quietness. "Tell anyone about what happened today, and you're dead." She stared hard at the girl, who was finishing up her popsicle. "Got it?"

Cat smiled, dragging an imaginary zipper across her mouth, then locked it and threw away the key.


End file.
